Come To Me, Leave Me Be
by T'Riva's Sarek Sanctum
Summary: Captain Kirk visits five years in the future for an important mission. His only choice for help is Ambassador Sarek, but something important has changed between them.  Can he figure it out before Sarek figures out he's not who he seems?
1. Chapter 1

**Come To Me, Leave Me Be**

**Chapter One**

Captain Kirk walked just outside the quiet path only half illuminated by sensor lights winking on then off as he passed by. Everything around him was so familiar; he'd walked these paths often, but now they really weren't the same and he couldn't let himself be seen.

The Captain Kirk of this time had slipped off secretly on a mission, and so it was the best time for him to take care of his business where he didn't belong, a time he had yet to live. He also had a mission few knew about, and so he was, in a way, a convenient substitute. But being recognized by the wrong person, would be quite dangerous, for all.

There was only one person powerful enough to help who didn't know that the Captain Kirk of this time was absent, who could be trusted to be discreet, without asking why. It wouldn't be the most comfortable few days, but it would have to do. He bristled a bit at what came next.

He crept through the shrubbery, slipped close to the door, all too aware of the very late hour. But it was a time when most would be asleep, the streets empty. He only hoped the address was still good five years in the future, and that the man would be home, or at least no one else would be.

He took a deep breath and rang the bell. His heart thudded though he knew this man. But Ambassador Sarek made him feel an oaf too often, and a disturbance at such an hour wouldn't help their relationship already strained by the tug-of-war on the first officer and son between them.

He had to assume Sarek had been asleep as he waited longer than he expected. He was tempted to ring again but that might irritate a Vulcan, as it was "superfluous, thereby unnecessary, thereby illogical." He remembered that very lecture with regard to some repetition he'd made in the past, by the man himself. It spirited a touch of amusement and made him swallow at the same time. If he was there, he would answer, after all, the captain might have news about the son.

The door swished open and Kirk saw a moment of apprehension, concern and then, strangely, a dash of pleasure, alight in Sarek's eyes before it disappeared. But the coolness he usually saw looked a bit warmer than Kirk was used to.

"Captain?" Sarek's tone seemed to vibrate with subtle amusement. His eyes glittered. He was still dressed in formal wear as if he'd just come from an important meeting so very late.

"I know, it's late. I'm sorry." He looked down and realized he was acting like some disobedient child, kicked himself mentally and found Sarek's eyes again.

"Come in," Sarek said. "It is quite cold out."

Kirk realized that for a Vulcan it would be, and hastened inside, glad for the excuse.

Sarek's eyes softened. "Are you well?"

Kirk realized it wasn't just polite small talk and wondered if something more gave him away. "I'm fine. I just need… I mean, I don't mean to be a burden, but…" Now he was stammering…

He looked up to see patient humor. More emotion than he'd ever seen from Sarek before. He was more surprised when Sarek didn't immediately eradicate the expression.

"You are not a burden." Sarek spied the duffle Kirk held behind him. "If you need sanctuary, I have the means to provide such."

Kirk gave Sarek an odd look. That had sounded so overly formal, but his relaxed tone belied that. And Sarek didn't ask any questions or look concerned. "I wouldn't want to take advantage…"

Sarek almost smiled and turned away a little too quickly for the ever-formal man. He turned back and his face was serene, relaxed. "I would be…glad… for the company."

Kirk suppressed a chuckle. It was as if Sarek was truly glad to see him when too often Sarek seemed merely to put up with his company.

"What can I do?" Sarek said. "How can I help?"

Kirk caught himself staring at the display of warmth, then pulled his eyes away. "Are you alright, Sir?"

Sarek seemed to freeze at that, and stared back for several beats, then blinked and turned away. "I am not the one showing up at 2:14 am." His tone was now clipped, and when he turned back, Kirk couldn't read Sarek's expression.

Kirk wished fervently that he'd been able to research more thoroughly what had occurred since they'd last met in his time, but there was strict enforcement on his learning too much of the future. He couldn't help but think that somehow he'd just hurt Sarek, and felt badly and frustrated that he didn't know how.

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite myself," Kirk said, at a loss as to how to fix the situation. "Very tired."

Sarek nodded. "You should retire then."

Kirk noticed that Sarek didn't meet his eyes now, nor did he move to show him where to go, only took a step back, which was strange. He stared at Sarek, who stared off into the middle distance, his jaw set as if he'd just received unfortunate news. Perhaps he assumed Kirk knew where the guest rooms were? The silence dragged and Kirk realized he needed to be proactive before he gave himself away. "The guest room then?" He picked up his bag but caught the quick jerk of Sarek's head at his question.

"If that is your preference," Sarek said, but he seemed put out and Kirk couldn't help but wonder what the alternative would have been. The couch? A guest house that had been built since he'd last been there?

"I was about to brew tea," Sarek said. He tilted his head toward Kirk without quite looking at him.

"That would be nice," Kirk said. "Thank you." He didn't really want tea, though some of the Vulcan brews were quite savory and relaxing. He just didn't feel comfortable leaving things as they were. Perhaps a little conversation might right things a little. And it felt strange going to sleep in a different time without spending some of it awake and aware enough to settle his mind that he wasn't home or anywhere near it. Or rather anytime… It was a distinctly uncomfortable experience—being in what should feel like home yet felt so alien and unwelcome, as if everyone he knew had been replaced with those he didn't, though they looked the same.

Sarek seemed to stare into his tea. Kirk felt as if a power shift had occurred between them. The powerful Vulcan had become so suddenly introverted, almost vulnerable.

"Can we start over," Kirk said. "I feel as if I've screwed up quite badly."

Sarek's eyes fastened on Kirk coldly for a brief moment, then Kirk saw him swallow and the coldness was gone. "I said at the beginning that you would always have that choice."

Kirk stared at Sarek, wishing more than ever for the context he was missing. "Perhaps I misspoke."

"We have not talked enough of this; perhaps that is the difficulty. The physical aspect of relationship with a Vulcan can be daunting. I understand."

Kirk felt his whole body tense. Did Sarek just intimate a sexual relationship? The shock of such a possibility rattled him, but he had to move past it. Could not give away he wasn't who he seemed, at least not yet. He was digging a fine hole for the Kirk of this time. He had to undo the damage, but how?

"I think I'm just very confused about a lot of things right now. I needed someone I could trust and I thought of you." That was certainly true. He was walking a dangerous line; Sarek tended to catch lies, and that might be the end of it, for his mission, for the Kirk of this time, and between Sarek and him, forever.

Sarek closed his eyes for a moment. "I am sorry. But there are times when a Vulcan finds it hard not to act selfishly. Forgive me."

The warmth was back, which Kirk appreciated, but why Sarek would find it hard not to act selfishly was concerning.

"I should have realized that you had greater concerns than those between us," Sarek looked away from Kirk. "I've not seen Amanda either for weeks, and Vulcan's are more social than humans. Meditation is truly the only time we are comfortable alone. It has been a long few weeks and not at the best time, as you know."

Kirk swallowed at the comparison of him to Amanda; blinked again at what seemed a hint. As far as he knew, he and Sarek were not even friends, and it sounded as if Sarek referred to a closeness, even an intimacy, between them. And Sarek seemed far more open than he would imagine him ever being with him.

Seeing Sarek like this tugged at him and made him concerned for his health again. It also made him see the man differently. The hero, the patriarch, sometimes a bastard almost melted in front of his eyes to a man in need of him, yet in need of what? How did one comfort a Vulcan anyway?

He looked down to see Sarek had moved his hand as if to grasp Kirk's but stopped short and pulled it back as quickly. He knew he could trust Sarek not to read his thoughts without asking and jeopardize his mission and so he took a deep breath, reached for Sarek's hand and grasped it with a slight smile. The warmer hand sent a shiver of strangeness through him; it felt so very forward and personal, made him swallow at what felt an incredible presumption.

Sarek started in surprise and stared at the clasped hands.

"I am here for you," Kirk said. "I just can't explain much else beyond that. I'm sorry."

Sarek squeezed his hand and allowed a slight smile.

A beautiful smile on a handsome face, Kirk realized. He wanted to say how much he appreciated it, but feared that would embarrass the Vulcan.

"It is late and I've not slept in…days," Sarek said. It sounded almost disingenuous. Implying that he was tired, but that's not what he said. Kirk had to wonder if Sarek was politely giving him space. He had spent most his life steeped in protocol, following that rhythm was probably a difficult habit to break.

He smiled as he realized Sarek really did look tired and that he'd rarely ever seen a tired Vulcan. He also looked restless, confused and a bit sad. Kirk was afraid he might be the reason for much of that.

Kirk picked up the mugs as Sarek retreated. He placed the mugs in the sanitizer, and stared out the window still trying to unravel Sarek's. He felt as if much was left unsaid on Sarek's part also, but was unsure if pressing the issue would be polite, even prudent with his mission hanging over him.

But he wanted to help if he could. The warmth Sarek had shown him fired up his concern and protectiveness. The Vulcan seemed so very alone, and he couldn't help but think he might remedy that. He just had to figure out how. He remembered where the master suite was, quietly approached in case Sarek were already asleep or meditating.

He stepped up to the door and heard the rush of the water wall that added a soothing white noise for a being who could likely hear too much through even closed doors and windows. Sarek's back was to him. He wasn't even sure the Vulcan knew he was there.

Sarek had taken off his robe and had just pulled off his shirt, when Kirk cleared his throat. The Vulcan turned, a curious glint in his eye, but continued to take off his pants. Kirk looked around the room, out of politeness and some embarrassment.

He could clearly see Sarek's body out of the corner of his eye. Had trouble not trying to see more of it than he should. The broad chest winnowed down to the tight abs, well-endowed genitals and powerful thighs were rather distracting, and Kirk had to remember who this body belonged to, even as he felt his respiration increase and his mind inadvertently start to strategize to have this attractive male. He tended toward women, for the convenience and ease of control, but a beautiful male was just as enticing, sometimes more so. Especially a powerful male. Even more, a Vulcan.

Sarek only looked a bit confused, perhaps by Kirk's propriety, and sauntered by naked toward the bathroom. He stopped for a moment in front of Kirk. "I was about to take a shower…" His head cocked in a friendly way. It sounded like an invitation.

Kirk blinked at that and remembered that Vulcans had little modesty with regard to their bodies, and that water was quite limited on their planet. It could be perfectly normal, for a Vulcan to offer such. It was after all quite a big shower.

"I was just concerned that I'd left too much hanging," Kirk said, and realized that wasn't quite stated so well as Sarek stood naked in front of him.

Sarek's eyebrows rose and he looked amused. Kirk realized, standing so close that Sarek had laugh lines at the corners of his eyes.

"Human vernacular can be quite evocative." Sarek nodded him into the bathroom. "Can we continue the conversation where I can remain warm?"

As Sarek strolled into the bathroom, Kirk couldn't help a view of a beautiful tight but full ass. His hand itched to cup it and pulled his hands behind his back to stem the impulse. All of this could be completely innocent on Sarek's part, a cultural misunderstanding, even a series of teasing jokes.

Kirk followed Sarek into the bathroom and found it set up like a small lounge, as if activities besides the essentials took place in here. Perhaps most rooms had to be fuck-ready in case of pon farr. Comfortable seating lined opposite the large shower with clear glass walls between.

He frowned at the thought that he would have a nice view but for the steam, not sure if he considered that a hindrance or a benefit. His body thrummed with both anxiety and excitement, as if his mind couldn't decide which it should feel.

He wondered if he could keep from becoming obviously aroused by the coming attraction and thought how bizarre the circumstances. Did Sarek bring any diplomatic officials or Federation brass into the bathroom like this? That would likely add to his popularity, certainly.

As Sarek stepped toward the shower, he looked back at Kirk standing stiffly in the center of the bathroom. "It is your choice whether to join me. Whatever you want of our relationship, if that has changed, I wouldn't hold your joining me, or not, against you. Only in a bond is sex and commitment tied so inextricably."

**End of Chapter One**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Kirk had to work at keeping a straight face at the surprising answer to many of his questions. He just wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. He couldn't understand what their commitment would be without sex underpinning it, so they had a sexual relationship at least, and the commitment aspect was in question. But what kind of commitment exactly? And who had the problem? If Sarek had been human it would have been clearer… Or maybe not, since Sarek was married.

The steam had acted the moderator. Kirk couldn't stop looking anyway, except when Sarek seemed to notice his perusal. The steam allowed enough of a scene of planes and angles of skin to tease without risk of arousal. As long as he didn't consider what options he might be offered later.

Sarek stepped out after only a momentary air dry. He appeared damp and glistening with wavy hair that looked ruffled. Kirk stood and padded back into the bedroom to keep his back to the naked Vulcan, and his eyes off of him.

"As always," Sarek said, "anything you wish is at your disposal."

Kirk wasn't sure if Sarek meant to include himself. His expression hadn't altered, but the Vulcan seemed to hold his eyes longer than seemed casual, or decent, after that comment.

Sarek stepped closer than Kirk expected. It took all of his control not to step back, just out of personal comfort with any being. Sarek stared him straight in the eye. It was so difficult to keep from looking away. If nothing else so far, the intimacy of this act spoke to the depth of the relationship the future Kirk had with Sarek.

Kirk could smell the subtly spicy scent of nutmeg and cinnamon. See the glistening moisture all but disappear through the Vulcan's skin as it was absorbed by the desert-born being. Sarek's eyes were so searching, his skin so unblemished, almost glowing in the soft light. He looked so very young with his openness and concern, almost trepidation. They were both uncertain. Both stepping carefully. Perhaps that might save him.

Sarek reached for his hand and held it between his. He stroked the top as if remembering what it felt like, though he must have felt the other Kirk's hands often enough. He was tentative, Kirk noticed, avoiding the touching of the fingertips, he realized. He looked sad, and guilty.

"I am sorry, James. Since Babel, I've always respected you, and perhaps I might admit to a…fondness…even then. I was always so…appreciative that you stood by my son. My positive opinion of your character will never dim, even if you should decide never to have contact with me again."

Sarek pulled his eyes away, finally. "I may have been unfair in my expectations. Unfair even in choosing you because of the possibility of more in your culture. I am not Terran. You are not Vulcan. Amanda did not have to compartmentalize her needs as I required, require, of you."

Kirk couldn't help but notice the slip into the past tense, as if Sarek had expected the relationship had ended except for confirmation, or at least changed significantly to something far less intimate. He had to say something to that, so he stuck with the truth. Let Sarek read into it what he would, based on his relationship with his Kirk. "I'm sorry, too. For causing you such trouble."

Sarek's expression went blank. He sat down rather abruptly, and shook his head. "You are not at fault, James. The fall-out was merely caused by unfortunate timing and circumstance. We were only treated differently because of our reputations. I am glad you avoided public censure. And mine will be forgotten over time."

Kirk stiffened at that. What could have happened? Was it his fault, beyond being the partner in whatever their relationship was?

Sarek appeared almost amused as he shifted and tilted his head. "I don't believe that anyone would understand that it offered me a chance to revisit my first choice of career, at least until my detractors are forgotten. Perhaps many will start to see us both more realistically—I am not the saint, nor the tyrant who took advantage. You are not the superficial philanderer, or the prey I trapped. I find it fascinating that we both are painted with such disparate, seemingly conflicting, accusations."

Kirk felt nausiated. Had he caused Sarek to be removed from office, perhaps permanently? Had he, or at least the Kirk of this time, considered the consequences that might come of their affair, or whatever it had been, is. If anything, it was all even more confusing. He realized the silence had stretched too long. He wondered, before he schooled his expression as a Vulcan would, or at least not as horrified as it had likely appeared.

But as he turned back, Sarek's neutral expression tightened. The Vulcan looked almost apprehensive. How long had he been watching? How much had Kirk given away by his lapse? Sarek was far too perceptive, and familiar with human emotions by now, not to notice the discrepancy of how he should have reacted had he known the history, and how he would having just heard its recounting.

Sarek continued to stare at him, as if figuring some equation that might answer this human's strange behavior. As if beginning to figure out that he wasn't the man he knew, only the appearance of him.

He had to give another piece of the truth to allow his sincerity to quell Sarek's suspicion. He swallowed, and then firmed his resolve. "Sarek…"

"Yes," Sarek replied. His tone had changed; he knew something had been kept from him. His apprehension clear with that one word.

"My anxiety, as you said earlier, is beyond—no….outside of…us. Whatever our troubles, if there are indeed any…" He noticed Sarek's head rise at that last. "….this will be far more important to you. It involves so many, people we both know, would protect against all… I wish I could say more right now, but…"

Sarek looked placated. At least for now.

Kirk felt relieved that it only took some of the truth, and the ethics of confidentially, for Sarek to accept the confusion and put aside his concerns and apprehension.

The Vulcan looked thoughtful. "I warned you that a Vulcan is possessive before all else. It cannot be helped, no matter how we wish it. I cannot help but be selfish, single-minded in this respect."

Kirk wished he understood all of what Sarek referred to, but he understood enough of it. Sarek was honorable and compassionate. This much he already knew. But even though Kirk must have appeared almost the charlatan; likely misreading too much and reacting inappropriately, Sarek would give him a wide birth, only in faith and through trust.

Bu then Sarek was on him, faster than he realized it. Gabbed him by the back of the neck, so tightly he felt bruised already. Felt the side of Sarek's face brush against his. Felt warm, wet lips brush his ear. Hot breath-faster, heavier. He couldn't move for the Vulcan's grip. Realized he never appreciated this Vulcan's strength, perhaps any Vulcan's. He couldn't help his breathing accelerate, his heart pound. "I miss my Kirk," Sarek said. "I wish him back soon."

Kirk felt shock roil through him, shuddered. Sarek could break his neck with the slightest pressure now. The hand moved from the neck to the back of his head, gripping his hair so tight it burned. Sarek looked almost feral as he held Kirk nose to nose, rested his forehead against Kirk's and breathed deeply once then twice, as if regaining control.

As suddenly, the pressure was gone and Sarek only watched him without expression. "At least I still affect you. I had begun to feel you no longer wanted me. At least, for my restrictions. At worst, from a loss of desire."

Kirk tried to calm himself, feeling lucky Sarek misread his strong emotions, at least some of them. Even as he felt fear, he realized, he felt excited by the passion, the feel of Sarek against him, the possibility of sex, that moment, right there. How, if Sarek made the move, and he _had_ to play along, he wouldn't have fallen for temptation. Not broken the rules. Not taken advantage. Hell, likely would have been taken. Vulcan's were primal in their sex he had heard. He was jealous of the Kirk of this time, though he'd be this Kirk soon enough. But he would have the succulent anticipation, too.

Sarek's eyebrows crinkled and Kirk realized he'd almost given himself away again. Or maybe he just did; it was too spot on to be a coincidence. Had Sarek just answered his suspicions? Would Sarek now be running through all of the possibilities of why he would act so differently, of who he could be and how?

Sarek stared at him for several beats more than was comfortable. Kirk tried to school his expression to friendly, content, interested yet anxious of what he had mentioned he couldn't talk about. At least three out of four were there for display.

Sarek seemed to be about to say something. He looked down and then at the bed.

Kirk looked to the bed, too. It wasn't difficult to fill in what wasn't said. He hated what felt like teasing. Realized it likely felt more like that to Sarek. It was almost ironic.

Sarek sighed. A very human reaction. "I should think that much will be clearer tomorrow with discussion." He looked up at Kirk. "At least what we _can_ talk about."

Kirk forced himself not to swallow. _Their relationship._

"We need clarity, at least personally. " 'Where we stand' as humans like to say."

Kirk tried for a smile that didn't look forced. Wonderful. Let's discuss something I have no clue about, without your noticing such. Without ruining this Kirk's relationship. Without his mission failing and far worse coming from all of it. He was so very tired, but he doubted he'd get much sleep.

Sarek stepped so close Kirk could feel his heat. He seemed to be watching him with the intensity of a large predator, deciding if he were prey. Sarek grabbed him and pulled him tight. His hand again wrapped about the back of his neck. "I have the impression there is something of importance you have not said. Sarek pressed his body fully against him.

Kirk could feel the Vulcan's erection. The heat in his ear. He couldn't help but become aroused and realized Sarek would feel it. He focused on relaxing his body. At least seeming relaxed, comfortable, though he was anything but.

Sarek pushed him away enough to stare into his eyes. "This is probably the most restraint I have seen in you." His tone was curious, maybe a restrained suspicion. "Duplicity would be a mistake with me." His voice had an edge.

Kirk kept his best blank expression. "The relationship hasn't changed…" As far as he knew. "There's much more to this. Please don't take this personally. I can't afford the distraction." That last was certainly true.

Sarek made a sound like amusement cut short. He appeared both amused and irritated, though Kirk couldn't figure why.

"Tomorrow will be interesting at least," Sarek said.

Yes, Kirk decided, he wouldn't get much sleep for the strategizing. Sarek was probably the last person he would choose to maneuver ahead of, if he even could.

Kirk nodded as he turned to leave. He couldn't help but notice out of the corner of his eye that Sarek watched him until he was out of sight. It appeared they both had much they hadn't said. He only hoped the jig wasn't up for him. Who knows how dire the consequences would be.

Perhaps he might be able to find some clues to cover his ass the next day. If Sarek were truly retiring, he might be safe enough to explore and investigate. There are always remnants of one's personal life strewn about, if even tucked away in an orderly fashion, as Sarek might with his fastidious nature. He stepped back toward the bedroom to see if Sarek were indeed in bed. He could always ask for a book, or a snack if Sarek noticed him. And the water wall would camouflage any noise he might make sneaking back.

He stepped softly back toward the bedroom entrance, thankful that the entrance was only an S-curve to ensure privacy if someone should walk by. Vulcans didn't use locks anyway because they didn't intrude on another's privacy, so where was the need for doors?

Kirk heard a rustling, but perhaps that was merely Sarek shifting in bed. He listened but heard nothing more for several seconds. He peered around the corner…to see Sarek stroking himself. Kirk almost squawked in surprise, worse apologized. His impulse was to pull back and slip away, quickly. But he couldn't. Especially when he heard a moan.

Of all the temptations available, why did it have to be seeing a Vulcan masturbating? The ambassador at that! He was Captain Kirk after all. For him, opportunities existed to be taken. And how really might this change the timeline, should he just watch? Wasn't it enough that he hadn't let himself join Sarek in bed? Even the shower?

He was after all involved with this man. Well a future Kirk was anyway… He was supposed to act in character to some extant to reduce suspicion. And couldn't this be considered a remnant of their personal relationship and therefore provide some information to preserve his cover and help the mission? He was sure that it did. It certainly sounded convincing to his own ears.

**End of Chapter Two**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

* * *

><p>As Sarek's excitement built, so did Kirk's guilt. He closed his eyes and backed away. The pull was great, but he couldn't so take advantage of a man he needed help from, who seemed vulnerable and seeking something from Kirk that was much deeper than sex.<p>

He skulked back to the guest room he had noticed appeared prepared: the curtains auto-drawn, the window tint eliminated for the darkness, extra blankets piled on the table at the end of the bed, and the temperature adjusting immediately to his species and his own body's attempt at compensation. He wondered how it was waiting prepared, but likely the room had been sealed this way until a guest arrived. That would be the most logical explanation.

The room was comfortable and inviting. The fireplace ready to flame and glow at his touch, the replicator likely set up with 1000's of possible foods for each species, a well-stocked bookcase filled with real leather-bound books, many of his favorites, which he found intriguing. He bet the many other rooms had variances of this for many different species.

His eyes fell upon the computer. The perfect way to catch up on what had occurred, but denied him by ethics, not to mention regulations. It was too easy to learn too much. He would have to be careful enough to be very conservative in his search. He stepped back toward the master bedroom to make sure Sarek wasn't still awake. He was shocked at the sight of him sprawled naked across the bed, covers rumpled and crushed, his body gleaming with what had to be sweat and semen, hair ruffled and his face soft with sleep. Kirk couldn't help but smile at the sight, especially when compared to the ambassador's usual fastidious nature. Kirk snuck away after likely too long a prurient inspection.

He descended to the main floor and surveyed the possibilities. But there was little to be found. As a Vulcan, holograms were unnecessary due to their eiditic memory. And all of his work was filed and locked away, likely for confidentiality and security. The residence was attractive and inviting, yet with little personal embellishment. He realized that this must be mostly a business residence, likely Sarek stayed elsewhere with Amanda, or any of this other personal visitors, and he was careful with his private matters as most Vulcans were.

He slipped back upstairs, feeling a failure. Or beaten by the sage and resourceful Vulcan even in his sleep, and without even effort, it would seem. He took advantage of the replicator for a brandy, tortilla chips and guacamole. He wasn't really hungry, but wanted a snack, and McCoy would never know.

He'd likely eat healthy around Sarek anyway, so what the hell. After far too many calories and little nutritional sustenance, he crawled into the soft, fresh-smelling bedding and fell instantly asleep.

* * *

><p>The dawn awoke him as soft sunlight, dimmed for a human's comfort, made the room glow like an ember. He rose out of bed, shuffled toward his bag, and headed for the room's private bathroom. Teased by the smell of his favorite coffee, and thought how considerate of Sarek.<p>

As Kirk entered the kitchen area, Sarek was standing with a cup of coffee, staring off into the distance into the jutting hills. He still looked tired, if even more so. He looked around at Kirk and his face softened. Kirk tensed as he thought of the coming "discussion." Unfortunately, Sarek noticed his reaction, and a faint sadness replaced the warmth.

"Have I done something to offend you? Sarek asked. "If you would feel more comfortable, I have other residences I can fulfill my duties at, and leave you in peace."

Kirk must have show his dismay, because Sarek seemed to relax just a bit.

"I'd much rather you be here. I'm here because of you, not for the residence." Not completely true, but he couldn't exactly explain that he couldn't be seen by anyone else. He would miss Sarek's company just the same. His warmth and gentleness was inviting and seemed to cap off his desire to be around him. He was a brilliant and intriguing man full of surprises.

"I'm just concerned about our discussion. I'm walking a fine line in what I can say and you're quite perceptive. I also sincerely wish my duty allowed for your complete involvement."

Sarek seemed sanguine with that.

Kirk smiled as he strode to the authentic coffee maker. "My favorite brew. Thank you. I'll never understand how they've yet to even come close to decent coffee in the replicators."

He turned and saw Sarek staring at him again. What had he said now, he wondered.

"I've had this same beverage ready for you each morning for many months, James, and yet you act as if this is the first I have provided such. Are you suffering some malady I should be aware of?"

Sarek looked down, looking almost contrite. "I am being intrusive. Forgive me."

"Don't be silly," Kirk said. He ventured into a territory he was at least slightly familiar with since the night, or rather the morning before. "About our relationship, I could have been more discreet." He had to assume he'd blown it because Sarek was always so very careful with such things.

Sarek gave him another strange look at that. "How so? There was no way you could have none a remote vid had been placed in my office ceiling, by one of my own security staff who appeared to be a well-entrenched mole. He had been with us for decades. He had even been born on Vulcan."

Kirk schooled his expression at his shock at that.

Sarek continued with amusement clear in his tone. "And it would have been difficult to explain enthusiastic fellatio. My gripping your hair, appearing to force you, did not help in that matter."

Kirk turned to hide his gaping mouth. Even as he felt a burgeoning hard-on. He gave Sarek a blow-job, in his office for that matter. And Sarek had allowed such: the blow job and, of all places, in his office. Sarek was a bit more adventurous and libidinous than he had expected.

"It was thoughtful of you considering my…predicament. Thoughtful of you to have attended to my physical needs then, and since then, when you could."

Sarek looked stricken as he peered into his coffee, which he apparently had yet to take a sip of. "If only that were the worst of my, our problems…losses."

Kirk noticed Sarek's alterations as he spoke. He had never seen such in any Vulcan before, especially in one so meticulous as Sarek. It bothered him considerably. "You're career will be on track again. They couldn't function without you," Kirk said.

"Possibly. Possibly not. And what of my wife, my so…" Sarek's voice broke.

Kirk was surprised at both. The reference to Amanda and Spock made him very concerned.

Sarek stepped over to the table and sat down heavily. Kirk followed, anxious but trying not to appear so. He began with his lesser fear, as Spock would have always been in danger, and he needed to build up to that.

He swallowed at his risk that could be his undoing. "Your wife…" He acted as if he didn't know how to continue, which was absolutely true.

"The bond is still silent. She is still angry. Though she decided that it wasn't my fault, she can't help but blame me."

Sarek traced the rim of the coffee mug, almost reverently.

A behavior also odd for Sarek. Kirk kept silent. Hoped he would continue.

"For a Vulcan, the telepathic bond is so ultimately important. I can only think that she is more afraid of my feeling her anger and grief, perhaps betrayal. But not feeling my connection is so much worse. She is my bondmate. I cannot get such a need filled by another."

He continued further, Sarek the man of so private a nature. "It is far worse than that, she won't even touch me for the most minimal of connection. I believe she feels that you supply enough of that, but Vulcans need so much more from their bondmate through touch than sexual activities, affection and comfort."

Again so personal, Kirk couldn't help but think.

Sarek's eyes revealed such pain. Kirk wanted to reach out but wasn't sure it would be wise.

"I cannot meditate, though I try. I have so little control. I don't trust myself to be near any other telepaths for my lack of ability in shielding their thoughts, as well as mine."

Sarek looked away, dropped his head. "On Vulcan I would be considered on the edge of insanity. And as a Vulcan male, I have no options."

That shook Kirk to the core. He felt helpless, and yet began to wonder if Sarek's serious difficulties were connected to his mission.

"She must not realize the ramifications," Kirk said. "She wouldn't do this, especially to you. She loves you, deeply."

"I cannot bother her yet again. She has enough to grieve."

Kirk couldn't help but blurt out his fear at that, "Spock..."

Sarek suddenly smashed and swept their mugs off the table to a tremendous crash. He looked furious. "You bring up my son, here? After your promise of my only sanctuary?" He yelled. "Must I be tortured by you also?"

Kirk was astonished, speechless.

"He is gone. He is gone. I have no idea where. And no idea how to begin to find him. That was their promise to me should I refuse their ultimatum. I would have given my life, anything, everything I could give, to protect him. But I could not sacrifice innocents too weak to protect themselves."

His voice had lowered to almost a harsh whisper. "And now they are all gone. And who could be at fault, but me? Who else had any chance at finding options. Isn't that what is expected of me, in my position?" Sarek looked defeated, empty. "Perhaps I haven't suffered nearly enough."

He was trembling. Kirk had never seen him anything close to this emotional. Was now very concerned for his mental health. He didn't know what to say to combat Sarek's stubbornness. Didn't even know the circumstances, to not give himself away.

Sarek was looking at the table dully.

As he reached for Sarek's hand, Kirk saw blood smeared, and saw that his arm had deep cuts that were bleeding too heavily to ignore. Sarek only stared at the rivulets of blood seeping down his arm and onto the table with bland resignation.

"Where's a medikit?" Kirk asked, standing.

"Please leave me, for now at least. I have little control. It is all that I can ask of you."

"When I've seen to your arm," Kirk said off-hand.

"No," Sarek said. "Leave me be. Sarek looked up at him, appearing at a complete loss, as if he had no control, or didn't care anymore. Kirk wasn't sure which was worse. Sarek continued, "I don't know why you would want even to look upon me. I don't understand why you care."

Kirk noticed the bleeding hadn't even slowed. He wondered if Sarek's control was even too limited for that. If his body's own defenses were too weak. if he left him now, without his Vulcan ability to heal himself, he could bleed to death with such deep gashes.

He felt he had little choice but to hint at possible options, which could be seriously risky to his mission. But he couldn't put Sarek at such risk. Perhaps that was why he was even here. He had to hope though that it would be much more than that. He had to hope that he might be allowed, even if not part of his assignment, that he could improve Sarek's circumstances significantly. He could not leave him like this, or know what was in store for the Ambassador in his own time.

"Let me take care of your arm, and I might have some way to improve your "difficulties" that I am at risk even mentioning.

Sarek looked confused, surprised, cynical and then hopeful, all clearly, obviously, before he collapsed, and Kirk caught him.

**End of Chapter Three**


End file.
